Three months ago I left Ahmadiyyat and reverted to Islam.
I began writing a document, the notes for which I had compiled
during Ramadan 2004. The motives behind “A Fracture in Belief”
were to:
· Highlight my thinking process behind leaving Ahmadiyyat
· Describe the circumstances in which I left
· Dispel doubts about why I left
· Encourage others to do the same
· Share my journey in the hope of helping others
“A Fracture In Belief” is about half-way complete. I have shown
early drafts of it to a handful of people and it has been met with a
favourable response thus far.
Fortunately/unfortunately, depending on your perspective, I have
become sidetracked by my regular postings on www.ahmedi.org,
my posts to my Cough Remedy blog, the odd letter to a friend and
msn/email correspondence with various lovely people. I have also
started to learn things that I should have learned years before.
Some Ahmadis are very sensitive about Ahmadiyyat being referred
to as a cult. The very fact that people need a document like this
should dispel those doubts. After all, if it were not a cult, what need
for this message?
One of the sections in “A Fracture in Belief” is called "Life After the
Cult". It is a "survival guide" if you like - many Ahmadis are terrified
of what will happen if they should leave. Not necessarily fearful of
their physical safety per se, though it’s easier in the West than in
Rabwah I’d imagine, but a gnawing fear in general of the unknown.
I know I felt like this a little, before I made the decision, then
everything was just fine!
They have some difficult and also some easy questions. I'm still
working on that section, but in order to help those who are thinking
of leaving, or have recently left and don't have the benefit of a
guide, I'd like to list ten points in summary form as I feel it might
be of some benefit to those right on the edge needing that gentle
nudge.
1. I'm scared. What do I do?
Pray. Pray. Pray some more. Give your will over to Allah SWT. Make
salah a cornerstone of your life. If you miss a prayer, make it up in
the day, or very soon after!
Make a firm pact with yourself that you will never miss a prayer
again so long as you live. In your first sajdah as a pure Muslim, give
thanks to Allah SWT and cry tears of gratitude. Stay down there for
ages (unless you have blood pressure or arthritis or whatever - do
seek medical advice and don't sue me etc.).
The Allah SWT who gave you hidayah, will help you better than any
human being. You are afraid. That's natural. You have possibly
known jama'at Ahmadiyya all your life and know nothing else.
Perhaps you think all Muslims out there are really jihad-crazedmessiah-
waiters with big scary beards or Muslimah are hardcorehijabis-
with-attitude. Nothing could be farther from the truth!
It's natural to fear the unknown. Let go. Islam is your natural state.
Continue to live your life either in a state of sabr or shukr. Expect
trials. They will pass. Expect joy. It too, will pass.
When you are really a Muslim in your heart; when doubt has been
washed away; when you realise just how misguided you were
before and how entranced by innovation and distraction you had
allowed yourself to become – and in that realisation, awakening to
the purity and beauty of pure submission – your heart filled with
undiluted love for RasulAllah SAW, humanity's final prophet, then
your fear will melt along with your doubts. Insha'Allah!
2. How do I officially become Muslim? Is there some Muslim
Worldwide Bai'at system? Do I pay Chanda?
You take a full bath. You say the shahadah with full conviction and
awareness. I recommend you do this before Fajr on a Jumu'ah. It is
a blessed time! That's it. You are Muslim. Now you must live it.
Of course, Ahmadis are deluded into believing they are Muslims and
will be utterly bemused at this fuss I'm making about becoming
Muslim. First, this discussion is for another time and place. Second,
you'll understand when you do it. You will feel like a burden has
been taken off you and your soul will feel a lightness like never
before.
Ahmadis call Islam a “dead and Satanic” religion. I'm here to tell
you, from the other side, that Islam is alive, Islam is beautiful, and
it is still the religion of Allah SWT and His Messenger SAW.
There is no worldwide bai'at system. And you no longer have to pay
chanda, it has no basis in Islam. You pay Zakah when it falls due,
and you give Sadaqah out of what you can comfortably afford. Allah
SWT wishes no hardship on you, though you might well be tried
with it from time to time.
Allah SWT does ask us to spend in His way, for which we will be
rewarded, but chanda is not His Way. Sadaqah and Zakah are.
The Prophet said, "Giving charity is obligatory upon each
Muslim." It was asked, "What do you say of him who
does not find (the means) to do so?" He said, "Let him
do manual work, thus doing benefit to himself and give
charity." It was asked, "What about one who does not
have (the means) to do so?" He said, "Then let him
assist the needy, the aggrieved." It was asked, "What do
you say of one who cannot even do this?" He said, "Then
he should enjoin what is reputable or what is good." He
asked, "What if he cannot do that?" He (the Prophet)
said, "He should then abstain from evil, for verily that is
charity on his behalf."
(Reported by Muslim)
You will soon discover just how beautiful a concept charity in Islam
really is. You will not get unbearable office-bearers phoning you up,
embarrassing you with requests for money for a multitude of funds.
You will feel more inclined to give when you do not feel the pressure
of someone asking. Charity in Islam is about Zakah and Sadaqah.
No more, no less.
3. What about the KhatmeNubuwwat people? Don't you have to
denounce Ahmadiyyat through them?
No. I did, but it's not for everyone. It was right for me.
Especially Muslimah - it's not easy for you. The world still doesn't
take care of women the way it should. The politics of why I reiterated
my shahadah in public, through KhatmeNubuwwat, is a
private issue funnily enough. I might or might not discuss it in "A
Fracture in Belief".
However, if you're strong, if you have no fear, if you want to put a
stake in the ground, there is no more public, consistent, powerful
and worldwide way of declaring that you are out of the fold of
Ahmadiyyat and into the fold of Islam. Write to me on this matter if
you wish - I will be happy to answer any questions.
Personally, I like Sohail Bawa at KhatmeNubuwwat Academy at
Upton Park, London - a lot. He has been there for me, he has
supported me and given me all the books and literature I could ever
want. He has shown courtesy, hospitality, brotherhood and love. He
has asked for nothing in return. I thought he would be this crazy
Mullah type. He was anything but. There is a band of brotherhood
there, if you'll pardon the expression, that is simply indescribable,
but which I only find with Muslims. A lot of Muslims from all around
the world have been hugely supportive. If and when you leave, you
will insha'Allah, if you reach out, find the same warm welcome.
You don't have to go down that route. It's up to you. I would advise
you to do something though. Write your intent in a letter. Send it to
the current leader of the movement: you'll recognise him, he is the
one wearing the regal outfit, protected by a huge entourage and will
invariably be a descendant of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad Sahib, and copy
your local president.
If you don't feel you have the strength to do even that, say if you're
young, or a Muslimah, or vulnerable, then write a letter to yourself,
post it and leave it unopened when you receive it. It constitutes
solid proof that you were not "kicked out of jama'at".
You should feel strong when you leave. If you truly desire to seek
the pleasure of Allah SWT over the love of this world, then you will
not have any fear. Insha'Allah.
4. What about my friends and family?
'Of no profit to you will be your relatives and your
children on the Day of Judgement: He will judge
between you: For Allah sees well all that ye do’
(The Noble Qur’an 60:3)
Allah SWT has spoken. What do you want me to say?
Ok, ok, it's tough, I know! They won't be happy. All these people
whom you have loved and who love you will be really hurt. They'll
get over it. Time is a great healer. Blood is blood. And maybe some
of them are waiting for someone brave like you to make a stand
before they do what their heart has always cried out to them is the
right thing to do?
5. I'm lonely. These Muslims, I don't know any of them!
Immediately reach out. Get in touch with people on ahmedi.org who
have left. Get hold of their email addresses and start corresponding.
They will all be delighted to help you. They will all be hospitable. If
you go to their countries and cities, they will welcome you into their
homes with open hearts. There are a billion-plus Muslims out there.
Most of them are lovely, lovely, lovely people.
It has been my pleasure to be helped and guided by people who left
the delusion of Ahmadiyyat after I had made my decision. They
have been consummately gracious and have sought nothing in
return. With absolutely no ulterior motive, they are genuine Godfearing
people. And in your heart of hearts, you always knew that
the best of Muslims are like this, and not following a “dead and
satanic” religion, as you have been told.
Insha'Allah, I will work on a directory of people who are happy to be
contacted – an ex-Ahmadi support network if you like. This will be
mentioned again in “A Fracture in Belief” and sent to you on
request. I won't just list the names and email addresses of these
people in a document or web-site, for obvious reasons! They will be
people who like those who helped me, will be happy to be contacted
and will offer you as much support and guidance as you wish.
Another way of meeting new people and reaching out is to go to
your local mosque. Which leads me to..
6. Which mosque do I go to now?
That's the beautiful thing. Any mosque. That's right! You will be
welcome anywhere. And you will find it a beautiful experience. I
promise you. If you're not totally happy at one mosque, try
another! And another!
I've been very fortunate. My local mosque is beautiful and the
Friday sermons are always inspiring, uplifting and refresh me for
the whole week. What's more, they are practical and I can relate
them to my life. Each week I get a beautiful nugget of Islam which I
can apply to my life for the following week and which enriches me -
and once habit, stays with me forever.
Something beautiful will happen too - jumu'ah is so much easier!
You can go to jumu'ah no matter where you are - there will be a
mosque nearby!
In "A Fracture In Belief" I will give you a couple of beautiful stories
about this. Suffice to say that it feels uplifting to go into a mosque
feeling like I belong there.
7. Which sect do I join?
Up to you. My advice though is, to join the sect of RasulAllah SAW
and his rightly guided caliphs and companions, peace be on them
all. All the other differences are mildly doctrinal. Apart from some
wacky fringe stuff, you're pretty safe anywhere if you have this
approach! If anyone asks you which sect you belong to, you ask
them right back “Which sect did the Messenger of Allah SAW belong
to?”. That is your sect. If you want to join one of the others, that's
fine, and your choice. You have left an unhealthy cult that doesn't
tolerate free thought or action, that's the main thing. I would
encourage the direction I've already outlined, but really, there is no
compulsion in religion.
8. What's all this Hanafi/Shaafi stuff I keep hearing about?
These are famous imams which give slightly different rulings on
esoteric details of Islam. They all believe that RasulAllah SAW was
the final prophet to be commissioned by Allah SWT. If you want to
get into the more esoteric stuff, I will explain some more in "A
Fracture In Belief". Otherwise, there are many learned people on
the Internet, including my favourite ahmedi.org who can help. Once
you are Muslim, you can go anywhere, join in with anyone.
9. What about Isa AS - what do I do with my belief in that issue? I
mean - I'm really convinced by the Ahmadi argument because it
makes so much sense?
Well - I say - do some reading, speak to some knowledgeable
imams, ones who have really studied properly, authentically, and
make your own mind up.
Allah SWT gave you your mind and you are now AlHamdolilah, free
to use it! Keep an open mind. That's all I ask.
And by the way. I promise you, Isa AS isn't buried in Yuz Asaf's
tomb - and despite all the conjecture - nobody really knows what
actually happened. Don't get conned into believing something just
because it's in someone's interests to sell it to you. I used to believe
in jama'at Ahmadiyya's version - now I don't. I read a ton of
material from a number of conflicting sources.
Now I have an open mind. I don't have the facts, but I will be open
to them when they arrive instead of supporting conjecture. I should
remind you of course:
That they said (in boast), "We killed Christ Jesus the son
of Mary, the Messenger of Allah";- but they killed him
not, nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to
them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts,
with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjecture to
follow, for of a surety they killed him not:-
(Noble Qur'an 4:157)
10. Will I be happy in three months time?
Yes. Insha'Allah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Sunshine, wisdom, beauty,
brotherhood, sisterhood, the unity with a pulse that stretches across
the globe.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the beautiful world of Islam. It's
not what the Western media says it is. It's not what jama'at
Ahmadiyya says it is. From someone who is on the "other side" I
say "come on in, the water's fine".
May Allah SWT guide you all and bless you and keep you healthy
and steadfast. Ameen.
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